Movie Review: Charles Band's Fairy Tales (1978) with Linnea Quigley

Fairy Tales (1978) - USA - Adult Musical Comedy - Rated R

Directed by Harry Hurwitz

Starring Don Sparks, Sy Richardson, Robert Staats, Brenda Fogarty, Angela Aames, Irwin Corey, Linnea Quigley, Martha Reeves

*Keep up with The Supernaughts for upcoming interviews with Charles Band and Linnea Quigley in their Shut Up Kids podcast and later on the site.

A compelling idea for an x-rated movie, but alas the r-rated version though having a good bit of nudity also has too much filler content making the movie drag at times.

It is the prince's 21st birthday and if he wants to retain his kingdom he must get himself a princess before the deadline or else he loses it all. The problem standing in his way is exactly that, that something is not standing...upright. He cannot get excited unless it is a specific princess, one in a portrait hanging on his bedroom wall. The problem is that she has been missing for several years now and in order to find her he must go into Fairy Land where he meets the lady in the shoe. Actually the shoe is a brothel complete with Snow White and her 7 dwarfs, Little Bo Peep, Gussy Gander and any number of fairy tale and nursery rhyme characters more than willing to fulfill the prince's destiny for him.

As much as the inhabitants of Fairy Land's offers fail to excite the prince, often it is the case with Fairy Tales too. There certainly are entertaining moments in the movie. Little Bo Peep, Angela Aames, leads the way as not only having one of the most amazing bodies nature has ever produced but in also being perhaps the most entertaining performer. The torture dungeon musical number is inspired, rocking, and hilarious. Jack and Jill are quite funny as they both try to molest the prince. There are a number of good parts and numbers in this movie with a good amount of nudity, but it is the connecting parts which let it down as it devolves readily to haphazard slapstick. Even Robert Staats as the doorman to the shoe wears a bit thin with as much as he is overused in his role, which shows how they have a tendency to beat the corpse of dead humor in this if Robert Staats is wearing thin as he is really good at what he does.

Being this is the r-rated version and I have not seen nor can I find the x-rated version, I have no idea what was left on the cutting room floor or how that may have lifted the movie as a whole. Linnea Quigley's appearance is unfortunately brief, and judging by the jump-cut it appears some of her performance ended up on the cutting room floor as well. Additionally about Linnea is at this time she was quite uncomfortably youthful looking, appearing to be all of 14 or 15, though she would have been 19 or 20 at this time (according to her listed birthdate).

The movie is also much a product of its time. Aside from Martha Reeves doing a musical number in one scene, there is only one black actor in the movie, and what seems like a stereotype for the times his character is a pimp and wears a large cod piece. I am not taking a jab at the producers of this movie as I said it is a product of its time and from low budget independents to big budget Hollywood there was a lot of stereotyping along those lines.

Recommend: No. This is really a personal choice as I found myself checking the time left before this ended. It's a shame as there are good parts to this, and perhaps for someone who would find more humor in this than I did may find it to be a more enjoyable movie.

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Movie Poster: The Toolbox Murders (1978)

The Toolbox Murders (1978) - USA - Horror - Rated R

Directed by Dennis Donnelly

Starring Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure, Aneta Corsaut

A deranged handyman murders the tenants in an apartment building in Los Angeles while carrying a toolbox filled with the tools of his trade. A claw hammer, screwdrivers, nail gun and even a power drill are put to new use, but for taking things apart rather than putting them together. Of course, as in any apartment complex, all of the tenants are attractive women, naturally. Gory and sleazy splatter movie is perhaps overrated from having been put on the Video Nasties list.

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Movie Poster: Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985)

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley - Italy/Brazil - Adventure Exploitation - Unrated

Directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini

Starring Michael Sopkiw, Suzane Carvalho, Milton Rodríguez

A group looking to dig up dinosaur bones and several voluptuous models are on a charter plane flight together when it crashes deep in the heart of the Amazon leaving them to trek back to civilization. Making their journey more difficult are cannibals, wild animals and dangers of the Amazon, and slave traders. Follows in the vein of Italian cannibal movies like Eaten Alive, though less gory and without the animal mutilations, but with the sleaze factor offering plenty of sex and nudity.

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Movie Review: Summer Camp (1979) with Linnea Quigley

Summer Camp (1979) - USA - Comedy - Rated R

Directed by Chuck Vincent

Starring Linnea Quigley (as Barbara Gold), John Laughlin, Walter Olkewicz* (as Ray Holland), Michael Abrams, John F. Goff, Kashka Bartisick, Brenda Fogarty, Verkina Flower

*Keep up with The Supernaughts for  an upcoming interview with Linnea Quigley in their Shut Up Kids podcast and later on the site.

It's summer time at Camp Malibu, where the clothes come off easier than the laughs.

The owner and director of Camp Malibu has a problem, summer camp has not been profitable enough to keep the camp going. He has come up with a solution to invite past attendees back to the camp for a free stay. Of course free comes with a price as activities he plans for them include free labor by getting them to fix up the camp, and to persuade them to get their parents to finacially support the camp. But these young, lustful campers are more interested in having fun, pulling pranks, panty raids, and making out.

If anything this movie has that stands out is the credits. Opening and closing credits are done in the same red font and are barely legible. The lighting is not much better either as scenes in the shade and night scenes are near unwatchable and scenes out of the shade at times approach extreme overexposure. Though the credits are just simply poorly done, the lighting is just as likely a result of this being an older VHS release.

A problem with some older videotapes, and nothing to do with age, is that the transfer process on some tapes in the 1980s was quite contrasty and not in a good way, which made dark scenes darker and light scenes lighter. Unfortunately with movies like this which have only seen the light of day on an old VHS release, many will review them with criticisms about the lighting, contrast, color, etc., without relizing the transfer process used could be and probably is the culprit. I have seen movies on older and newer releases, Alone in the Dark (1982) comes to mind, in which the older VHS is near unwatchable when scenes are dark, but the movie looks just fine on the newer VHS release.

Regardless of any transfer process though, that has nothing to do with the script, editing and general content of the movie. Summer Camp has some enjoyable moments and is a silly movie, but for me there was not a lot of laugh out loud moments. There are more tits coming out in this, not a complaint, than there are laughs. At least the sleaze content is there even if some of it can't be seen very well because of the poor quality of the video. And there is enough sillyness going on to keep ones interest.

Another item of note is that I have seen in several reviews of Summer Camp, it has almost become a standard, people calling this a rip-off of Meatballs (1979). Now that would truly be an amazing feat, considering this movie was released before Meatballs. O.o

Recommend: No

This movie has only been released on VHS. Twice that I know of. A Media release and part of a 3 movies in 1 release on videocassette which is even worse quality than the Media release due to it being on extra long play (ELP 6hr) speed and thin tape. I would be willing to consider a recommendation if it were released on DVD/Blu-ray. I think it is entertaining enough of a movie to watch, but the poor quality of available copies makes it a choir to watch.

*I have listed Walter Olkewicz in the actor credits even though IMDB does not. They list Ray Holland as the name of the actor playing the character of Horse as that is how it is listed in the movie credits, but watching the movie that is Walter Olkewicz playing the role. Either that or he has a twin brother named Ray Holland.

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Movie Review: Charles Band's Auditions (1978) with Linnea Quigley

Auditions (1978) - USA - Adult - Rated X

Directed by Harry Hurwitz
Starring Linnea Quigley, Rhonda Jo Petty, Rick Cassidy, Robert Staats, Linda York, Jennifer West, William Margold, Greg Travis, Tony Popson (narrator)

*Keep up with The Supernaughts for upcoming interviews with Charles Band and Linnea Quigley in their Shut Up Kids podcast and later on the site.

You are flipping through another channel, a channel not only of tits and ass but of dick. A journey into a viewing of naked babes whose clothes have since been discarded. Your next stop, The Auditions Movie.

A casting director looking to cast people for a porn movie has put out a call for the sexiest man and sexiest woman, and as a bonus for the most unusual act. This brings in many would be porn stars and starlets who will be asked to take off their clothes and even participate in play acting sex scenes in one of two sets, a boudoir or a dungeon complete with torture devices.

Narrated in a Rod Serling, of The Twilight Zone, style, hence my silly introduction, Charles Band's production of Auditions runs with a simple premise that actually offers more and comes off better than many porn movies. With an unseen casting director talking to candidates via a speaker, various men and women take off their clothes for him and perform various acts.

Though not a porn movie in the usual sense, it is definitely x-rated as nothing is hidden, it just is not shoved in your face like a porn movie. Also unlike the usual porn movie that draws out a simple premise with overly long sex scenes, Auditions offers plenty with the amount of nudity and its seemingly simple premise up front  with the number of actors and actresses getting naked in front of the camera providing a variety of personalities each offering something different.

As if this were not enough, Auditions throws in some humor with a sleazy talent scout/agent who keeps interrupting the auditions promoting himself and trying to pick up new talent, as well a few candidates who did not quite get what the auditions are for and even take offense to being asked to take off their clothes. Auditions also plays the exploitation angle with one of the candidates being discovered to be under age after she has already undressed for the camera.

Not provided up front is the fact that the people appearing in this movie are actors and the situations are set up purely for entertainment. The most notable of the actors is a very young, and very young looking, Linnea Quigley in an early role playing the under-aged Sally Webster. Seasoned porn stars like Rhonda Jo Petty also appear.

Recommend: Yes. Unlike so many adult and porn features that run for too long, Auditions is an entertaining collection offering plenty of nudity, variety, and some humor too.

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Movie Review: Summer School Teachers (1974)

Summer School Teachers (1974) - USA - Comedy - Rated R
Directed by Barbara Peeters
Starring Candice Rialson, Pat Anderson, Rhonda Leigh Hopkins, Grainger Hines, Will Carney, Dick Miller, Norman Bartold

Paced well enough to keep one's attention and scripted better than similar fare for the time, but this purely 70s sex comedy is lacking in the sex part.

Three young women from Iowa go to California to spend the summer as high school teachers. One is a Phys Ed teacher who starts up a girls football team and has to face off against sexism from the athletics dept. A chemistry teacher out of her element dealing with unruly students who tries to not only understand her students better but a particular juvenile delinquent she gets close to. And one is an arts teacher specializing in photography who is misguided about California and men in California while another teacher tries to woo her. All three room together and deal with relationships, resistance from a stuffy school board, and even a criminal ring.

Looking for something that has 70s written all over it? Well this will certainly fill that desire as it is sooo 70s from clothing and cars to attitudes and sexual openness. Summer School Teachers moves at a moderate pace enough to maintain interest without getting either too goofy or confusing as was often the case for comedies of this period aimed at an adult audience. The downside is the actual sleaze content is pretty low offering only one nude scene for each of the three primary actresses, and not by any means explicit or long.

This features Candice Rialson and Pat Anderson who have done other Roger Corman films of the time (this was actually produced by Julie Corman), and other similar adult oriented comedies and dramas. Neither of the three primary actresses had a long film career. Perhaps the most recognizable actor in the movie is Dick Miller who was a Corman regular and appeared in a lot of movies, and current too, with 174 acting credits at present to his name according to IMDB. Barabara Peeters wrote and directed this which probably explains why it is more coherent and better paced than other films of its ilk.

Recommend: No. I did enjoy it, but the sleaze factor is just not there. If you are nostalgic about the 70s or would like to see a somewhat enjoyable 70s movie this might be a good choice, but if you are looking for sleaze look elsewhere.

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Movie Poster: The Acid Eaters (1968)

The Acid Eaters (1968) - USA - Exploitation - Not Rated (adult)
Directed by Byron Mabe
Starring Ernie F. Orsatti, Judy Wood, Buck Kartalian

They are regular working stiffs doing 9 to 5 on the weekdays but on weekends these office workers become bikers headed to a 50ft LSD pyramid for drugs, sex and debauchery. Promoted as the first underground movie, far from the case, The Acid Eaters is just another exploitation movie, exploiting the themes of free love and the drug scene in the late 60s in a short (62 min.) movie with nudity, soft sex, simulated drug use and psychedelic camera work.

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Movie Review: I Like to Play Games (1995)

I Like to Play Games (1995) - USA - Erotic Thriller - Rated R
Directed by Moctezuma Lobato
Lisa Boyle, Ken Steadman, James DiZazzo, Pamela Dickerson, Toshiya Agata

A seemingly standard 90s softcore erotic thriller at the start soon stands on its own with a twisted plot and characters to match.

Michael likes a challenge. A chess player, martial artist, his life revolves around competitiveness, and even in the bedroom where he wants to play games. A new girl transfers into the ad agency where he works. Suzanne is not only hot as the surface of the sun, she likes to play games too, in a wicked way. From getting Michael turned on to roleplaying a schoolgirl and dominatrix, Suzanne is devious in playing games and this excites Michael like no woman before, but just how dangerous games can be is something both of them are about to find out.

Softcore erotic thrillers lined the video store shelves in the 90s. For a teenager growing up then this was a particular aggravation until I was old enough to rent them. Many were certainly erotic and even verging on hardcore, but soon they became redundant with their plots and despite how well done they may have been it was an increasing disappointment.

At the start of I Like to Play Games I was ready for a trip down the memory lane of disappointment as it looked like any other erotic thriller, but that began to change as the story developed. The character of Suzanne wears many faces and becomes unpredictable. Initially some of the situations she gets Michael into are humorous, but soon they become tense and even dangerous.

There is an interesting attempt at a subplot with a message, though I feel the script is confused in its presentation of that as it goes askew from it. The ending is rather ambiguous too, though I have the feeling the writer of this probably had a good grip on the ending, they did not translate that well, or they intended it to be open to interpretation.

Overall the movie is average for its erotic content. Where it lifts itself above that is in its twisted story.

Recommend: Yes. Despite an average beginning and ambiguous ending, the story itself rises above what is average for this type of movie.

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Movie Review: Firecracker (1981)

Firecracker (1981) - USA Philippines - Martial Arts - Rated R
Directed by Cirio H. Santiago
Starring Jillian Kesner, Darby Hinton, Rey Malonzo, Vic Diaz

She's sexy and she kicks ass but even though it has plenty of action it's still not as explosive as the title might suggest.

A female martial artist goes to the Philippines to find her sister who has disappeared. Instead of her sister she finds herself up against a drug ring and a group running a martial arts tournament where contestants fight to the death. The police are trying to shut down this criminal organization and enlist her help, but this may put her in more danger as someone she thinks she's close to may or may not have murdered her sister.

Firecracker starts off not too different than a Marine invasion; kill them all, we'll sort out the bodies later. By that I mean it jumps right into the action and does some character development, yes I'm stretching that term, after the fact. From the start it is kicks, punches, flips, chases, and at least a few opportunities to have an attractive female martial artist fight in her underwear of less.

This movie is pretty much chop-socky fare. Littered with the sounds of slaps and 2x4s clashing every time someone is punched, kicked or flipped. And just as littered with dependable bad guys who don't know when to run and any number of Filipino actors you've seen in what seems like half the Roger Corman movies made in the 70s.

If you're into cheesy martial arts flicks then you may well like this as there is plenty of action to go around. From a sleaze perspective there is not much. Pretty much a scene where Kesner gets her bra cut off and fights topless and another where she has a make-out scene. Though she certainly has a nice body, the problem is there is not enough of it to justify sitting through the rest of the movie if you're interested in the sleaze factor.

Recommend: No. It's okay for a cheesy martial arts movie but does not offer enough sleaze.

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Movie Review: Too Hot to Handle (1977)

Too Hot to Handle (1977) - USA Philippines - Erotic Spy Thriller - Rated R
Directed by Don Schain
Starring Cheri Caffaro, Aharon Ipalé, Vic Diaz

She'll charm your pants off of you and get you hard and begging for it, just before she kills you...but what a way to go!

A new girl is in town. Manila town that is. Her name is Samantha Fox and she's blond, beautiful, and deadly. Samantha is a hired assassin. She uses her good looks to seduce her victims, luring them into a false sense of security, and a compromised position so to speak. This time she is out to get rid of the biggest gangsters and drug dealers in Manila, but things are getting personal for her. Not only does she have a past history which compels her in the work she is doing, but the chief of detectives of the Manila police while suspecting her of the killings may well be pulling at her heartstrings.

Too Hot to Handle follows 4 years after the last entry in Cheri Caffaro's Ginger series of sleazy spy/detective movies with Girls Are for Loving having been the last of the series. This is not one of the Ginger series, but it obviously is inspired by her previous work. Samantha Fox is essentially the same type of character, a female spy, who uses her looks and body to do her job. But this is different too as Samantha is not the carefree spirit Ginger was and outside of her work her love life is monogamous.

Other differences between this and the Ginger films have their pluses and minuses. Though this is sleazy as was the case with a lot of Roger Corman produced movies of the 70s that centered around female characters, it does not quite come up to the level of sleaze of the Ginger movies in which anytime was a good time to rip someone's clothes off, tie them down and have sex with them. On the up side this movie has a more rewarding story and actually develops that story.

Don't go expecting a Ginger movie in this. You will still find plenty of sleaze, enough to satisfy, but you'll also find a story, that will also appeal to romance buffs. Caffaro's acting is up a notch in this as well her martial arts scenes are much improved.

Recommend: Yes. With the mix of action, romance and sleaze, Too Hot to Handle successfully delivers, and better than many of the Roger Corman produced 70s b-movie sleazies.

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Movie Review: Fantom Kiler (1998)

Fantom Kiler (1998) - Poland - Sexploitation Giallo Horror - Rated X

Directed by Roman Nowicki
Starring Marek Stuhr, Eliza Borecka, Katarzyna Zelnik, Magda Szymborska, Lilian Cybulka, Piotr Sapalowski, Natasha Nowicki, Stan Blinki, Henryk Solski, Tadeusz Plotcki

A mix of Giallo and music video style packed with misogynistic sleaze has plenty to offer the viewer who's not afraid to admit they like it.

The police in a Polish town discover the mutilated body of a beautiful naked woman left in a field. It has been a year since a similarly mutilated corpse was found. While the police are still stumped as to the identity of the killer, a mysterious man dressed in a black leather overcoat, a wide-brimmed hat and with his face covered in a white fabric, much like the invisible man, goes on a killing spree of beautiful women as he strips them naked and mutilates their bodies. The only clue the police have is the women all passed through a railway station where a janitor works who has fantasies about these women who shrug off his advances. His fantasies include misogynistic murder fantasies about them as well, but has he crossed a line where fantasy and reality meet?

Fantom Kiler is purely misogynistic in its treatment of women. Of course it makes no excuses about that as up front they describe the Fantom as a misogynistic murderer. Being that it is sub-titled, as its original language is Polish and Russian, and those sub-titles compete with watching a number of naked women on screen, the sub-titles have apparently lost out and are not well read. And where they might be read, those scenes not involving naked women are few and far between and easy enough to fast forward right through them.

The reason I bring that up is because an of interesting aspect of the murders that is purely misogynistic, as the killer is described, and that is he never has sexual intercourse with any of his victims but instead mutilates them, and most notably mutilates their naked bodies in a sexual manner often involving their genitals.

Being that I said that, let's take a step back and not get confused by thinking in any way this is a deep psychological study of a misogynist psychosis. Fantom Kiler is purely and simply sleaze presented as women being stalked, stripped and murdered, and a minimal amount of a story connecting the scenes. There is more sleaze in Fantom Kiler than in any other horror movie short of being pure porn.

At its very core Fantom Kiler is not original. Giallo has been around for decades. Giallo movies were the original stalk and slash movies well before slasher movies like Friday the 13th were even a thought; those later slasher movies having their origins in Italian Giallo cinema. Giallo movies too were largely misogynistic as the victims were mostly women and in various states of undress; unlike the later equal opportunity victims in slasher flicks.

Though Fantom Kiler has its roots in Giallo with its storyline of a masked killer who stalks women, using many of the elements of Giallo with the way the killer is dressed, straight out of a Giallo movie, and creepy atmosphere in places like the woods at night and a graveyard complete with fog, Fantom Kiler ups the ante by doing away with the talkative story and gets right to the good parts, that being gobs of nudity and slashing.

Of course Fantom Kiler has been criticized for its purely misogynistic content. Like this is the first time misogyny has reared its ugly head in a movie? Hell no! Movies have been filled with sexist and misogynistic themes since the beginning of cinema, and what Fantom Kiler does is it takes the ball and runs with it.

I'm not making excuses for the movie, it is what it is, but it does deliver on sleaze and to an extreme level. And don't tell me that's not what you're watching a sleazy movie for. As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet that a lot of critics of Fantom Kiler have watched it through more than once, of course only for the purpose of making sure they have their notes right so they can properly denounce the movie so they don't seem like the perverts they really are.

Go back into your closets where you're hiding your skeletons, pussies.

Fantom Kiler is not going to win any awards for quality. The non-sleaze scenes, what few there, are, are easily fast-forwardable without really missing anything. The editing and obvious video work are jumpy. But, it is misogynistic trash cinema of the purest form. If you like sleaze, there is more than an abundance of it to be had; but if you're afraid to admit it, then you might want to watch it only in your closet while nobody is around and then you can denounce it to everyone later even though you know you liked it.

As a testament to just how sleazy this movie is, unlike my usual two screencaps I share with a review, I have increased the number for this review as only two would not do it justice.

Recommend: Yes, for those who like sleaze and are willing to admit to it. Pussies should avoid this.

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